The Birth of Tofu
Some thought the Zombie epidemic was caused by a virus from genetically modified meat. The quest for fatter cows and bigger chickens led to this strange viral mutation infecting the human population.
Whatever the source, the infection was spreading exponentially.
Professor Vost labored furiously for a cure independent of any government or public sponsorship. In fact, the government denied that a Zombie epidemic even existed.
Vost needed freshly killed bodies for testing his antiviral medications. He typically got these from special "Dealers of the Dead".
It was a rainy night. Vost phoned in his order for a new body and a few hours later, the body of a boy recently exhumed from an unmarked grave arrived at his doorstep.
Vost placed the body on the table and tied him down. He didn't have much time. Zombie victims typically reanimated within seven days, and this one was already starting to twitch. He cut open the skull and examined the brain. To his astonishment, the brain was surprisingly intact. Perhaps the attacker didn't care for the taste. Typical zombie victims were missing the frontal lobe of the cerebral cortex because these were the tastiest parts of the brain and generally eaten first. This brain was special.
Vost was just starting to dissect the brain when the doorbell rang. It was 12:00 a.m., and his daughter Addie was supposed to have been there hours ago with food. She was late, and he was very hungry. He left the lab to answer the door.
Lab Monkey Number 5 was always a little different - more curious than most chimps. As soon as Vost left the lab, the little ape picked his lock and opened his cage. He ambled over to the child, untied him, and lifted his head to get a closer look at the exposed brain. Monkey Number 5 loved to imitate the Professor. He had seen the professor perform multiple examinations in the past. Monkey see, monkey do. He grabbed the brain with his large hands and popped it out of the boy's skull. It jiggled as he lifted it into the air. Monkey Number 5 liked it when the brain jiggled. He threw it up in the air and caught it with his other hand. He yelped with excitement.
Vost opened the front door and let his daughter Addie inside. She was holding two bags of groceries in her arms. It was raining harder now and her hair was sopping wet. His daughter's long auburn locks always reminded him of her mother.
"Now you're sure it's all organic, right?" Vost asked as he took the bags of groceries from her.
"I went to that little place on 4th street. No one saw me go in." Addie responded pulling her damp hair back and tucking it behind her ears.
Organic food was considered "unsafe" by the GFSA, or Government Food Safety Agency, and as a result, growing, selling, or eating any food product unlicensed by the GFSA was considered a criminal act.
"You should really take some time off dad. You're looking beat!" Addie told her father.
Vost nodded in agreement. He hugged his daughter goodbye, and then watched her drive off into the cold wet night.
As Professor Vost walked back to the lab, he stopped briefly at a large metal door. The smell of formaldehyde permeated from underneath the bottom crack. He unlocked the door, threw one bag of groceries inside and quickly slammed the door shut. He continued down the hallway back to the lab.
Lab Monkey Number 5 had just tossed the brain into the air when he heard Vost's footsteps walking down the hall. He froze. The brain crashed to the ground and bounced around the lab like a giant super bouncy ball, knocking over test tubes and spilling chemicals until it finally disappeared down a floor drain - gone forever!
The footsteps were getting closer. Number 5 looked for something to replace the brain. He looked in his cage, on the professor's lab table and in the chemical storage closet. He found nothing. He noticed a small refrigerator Vost kept near his lab table for midnight snacks. He opened it and saw a large block of Tofu sitting on the top shelf.
In a final act of desperation, Number 5 took the Tofu from the refrigerator and shoved it into the boys opened skull the best he could. He quickly ran back into his cage and locked the door.
Professor Vost was astonished at the mess. He looked suspiciously around the lab trying to find the culprit, but all was quiet - too quiet, except for the gentle snoring coming from Lab Monkey Number 5's locked cage. The professor placed the bag of groceries on the floor and started to clean up the broken test tubes, spilled chemicals, and scattered papers littering the lab.
Vost didn't notice the dark shadow rising behind him. The mess in front of him consumed his mind. The dark shadow rose higher and higher.
Vost picked up the bag of groceries from the floor and turned around. The boy, with outstretched grabbing hands stood face to face with the professor - his stitched mouth gnawed hungrily in the air. The boy lunged at him. The professor dropped the grocery bag and fell instinctively to the floor, imagining a painful and ghastly death.
The cowering professor peeked through his cupped hands and saw the boy kneeling on the ground in front of him- the bag of groceries ripped apart and food littered across the floor. The boy attacked the fruits, and veggies with fury and vengeance. Lifting his head from the battle below, he let out an intelligible sound from his reddened and gooey face: "GGGGGRAINS!"
Professor Vost looked in astonishment and a smile slowly drew across his face.
"Perhaps I'm on to something…" he thought as the Zombie boy munched happily away on his vegetarian meal.
